Oh Stop...never mind keep going 4-29-2013

Some times in life it takes someone else looking at you and telling you how wonderful you are, before you actually believe it.  I remember when I was in high school, I never dated.  I wondered sometimes why no one ever asked me out.  I wasn't popular, but I was involved.  Some people told me that I seemed like a bitch, but I was just very shy.  Getting to the point, I'm happily married to a man who I know adores me and I have two wonderful children.  But sometimes it is someone else looking in that makes you realize really how truly blessed you are.  And how much you have to offer to the world and how much you already have.  

I soon will be starting a whole new chapter of my life, one child graduating and going to college, the other right behind.  When other people look  at my children and tell me how much they admire us for raising them they way that we have, well I get a huge grin on my face.  I have succeeded in doing something very special, being a parent, and a pretty darn good parent at that.

Heck ya, it makes me feel like a million bucks when someone else is bragging about my children.  It is a direct reflection of who I would like to be if I could have raised myself.  Self assured, but with manners, smart and respectful, and hardworking.  I don't know what the future holds for my children, but I do know that I think that I have armed them well.   And as for me, well I'm feeling pretty good about myself these days. 

Insights 2-1-2013

I'm trying really hard to look at myself and really find what I want out of life.  I have for so many years subscribed to what everyone else wanted of me.  I didn't get married too young, I was 26 and I didn't have children until 31.  I think that I am a better parent for it, I am wiser, have sewn my wild oats so to speak, and because at one point didn't even think that I would be able to have children, I adore and respect the idea of it even being possible.

I have always tried to make everyone else happy at the expense sometimes, in the end, of my own.  My mother was not always there, so I am always there for my children.  Her marriages, two of them, both failed.  She married young to my father whom she had to divorce because he was abusing us girls, and married another man who was an alcoholic.  So in my own relationship I try to make my husband very happy.  I love him and want to be with him for the rest of my life.  But, what about me!
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I used to think that life was perfect, but it isn't and most of the time it is what you make it.  I'm learning that more and more these days and trying to remember that I must make myself happy, I can not rely on every one else to do that for me.  I'm trying different things and writing really helps.  Come along on my journey as I Bloom.