Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Some things in life we have no control over, but it is the way you are going to accept them or dismiss them that will help you get through it. I cannot control family, or friends, or outside influences, but I can have control over the way that I use that information or action that happened, and either learn from it or let it eat me alive. I'm working on the part where I don't let it eat me alive. I've realized that the stress on my body and brain are too much and I need to find a way to just let it go.
So many things that we can do are therapeutic, like talking to someone, or going for a walk. Buy yourself flowers, or that special item that you wanted. Just don't sit at home and brood over it, the anger will eat you up. This is so true especially for the younger people. When you think that there is nobody to talk to in your own circle then walk outside of it. Someone is there and someone cares, even if it is a complete stranger on the phone.
Save yourself because you are the most valuable commodity that you own.
Monday, April 29, 2013
Some times in life it takes someone else looking at you and telling you how wonderful you are, before you actually believe it. I remember when I was in high school, I never dated. I wondered sometimes why no one ever asked me out. I wasn't popular, but I was involved. Some people told me that I seemed like a bitch, but I was just very shy. Getting to the point, I'm happily married to a man who I know adores me and I have two wonderful children. But sometimes it is someone else looking in that makes you realize really how truly blessed you are. And how much you have to offer to the world and how much you already have.
I soon will be starting a whole new chapter of my life, one child graduating and going to college, the other right behind. When other people look at my children and tell me how much they admire us for raising them they way that we have, well I get a huge grin on my face. I have succeeded in doing something very special, being a parent, and a pretty darn good parent at that.
Heck ya, it makes me feel like a million bucks when someone else is bragging about my children. It is a direct reflection of who I would like to be if I could have raised myself. Self assured, but with manners, smart and respectful, and hardworking. I don't know what the future holds for my children, but I do know that I think that I have armed them well. And as for me, well I'm feeling pretty good about myself these days.
Monday, April 15, 2013
I'm now on the other side of my life. My childhood past, but not forgotten fades just a little. My children are getting older one off to college soon, the other 15 going on 30. It is in some ways a good place to be and I'm not disappointed in it, was only hoping to be a little further along on the life path of what I really wanted. We don't always get what we want, so we make the best of what we do have. Only in myself am I disappointed, not in anyone else.
I only wish that I had been a little stronger and reached for what I wanted and not let anyone else tell me any different. I had ample opportunities to take a hold of many different things but was afraid. Afraid of failing, afraid of someone not approving. I let fear control a big part of my life, but I'm on the other side now and I can see there was nothing to be afraid of, I held myself back. I will no longer do that. I will speak up for myself, and I will be heard. My thoughts will find fruition in anything I can make happen.
Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.
T. S. Eliot
Saturday, March 23, 2013
I'm sitting in my office going over things at the end of a busy day. My son has turned 18 and is having a few friends over to celebrate. They are a good group of friends and I am so happy that he has them and proud of the people that he has picked to be his friends. It warms my heart to here them in the next room talking and laughing, at one point I know they must be going through one of his old annuals, they are joking with each other about how they used to look and talking about what happened to this person or that.
They are so young, and have so many dreams. I wish I could tell each one of them to hold on tight and not to forget those dreams. And really live your life before you decide to settle down and not to really ever settle for anything. It is such a precious commodity, I hear them talking about a young girl who has committed suicide. I never could and still never can understand a life that is so tormented that one would want to kill themselves, and trust me mine was not a pristine upbringing. I hope that they all know how precious it is and no matter what that they live on because the best revenge is success.
I have no regrets for my life, such that it has been, because I have succeeded at something that is far greater than anything else in this world. I have raised two beautiful well adjusted children who I believe will be an asset to this world. And so the evening is winding down and my son and his friends are in the next room with a guitar, bongos and a voice and singing and having a good time.
Thursday, March 21, 2013
So on turning 50, oh my goodness, just breathe. It's done and over with and do I feel any different, well maybe a little. Do I feel liberated, yes, I just turned 50, a major milestone and I made it through it. I have the most wonderful family in the world, my husband and kids worked so hard to make sure everything at and around the house was beautiful, and it was. My wonderful older sister came over and made sure everything was decorated to perfection, and it was. My sister-in-law made me the most beautiful cake, and all the food and goodies were to die forl What more could a woman ask for, well to be surrounded by almost every person that meant anything to her, and she was.
What a wickedly magical evening I had hanging with family and friends having the best time I have had in a long time. Some friends I keep in touch with, but don't see all that often, so wonderful to put my arms around them and hug them and then sit and talk and laugh our heads off. The food was plentiful, the wine flowed as did the conversation and memories of the past.
If we don't have memories, what do we have, the wonderful life is made up of all those wonderful memories of your life. Sit back, Breathe and relish those days of past, but don't forget to make new memories with all of those wonderful people who are still around. 50, whatever, bring it on, heck I'm planning my 100th birthday party right now. Will you be there laughing with me about something we did next week, I hope so.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
My Pride and Joy
It's so heartwarming when your children do something that, well you know they are capable of, but that they do it on their own. Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and like you yourself have accomplished something.
My children tease each other endlessly, so it is on the occasion when they do something out of the blue that makes me feel so proud like I myself have accomplished the task, that makes me just glow inside. They are both growing up so fast, my son actually an adult now, with his sister directly behind him. They are going to be an asset to society this I have no doubt about. In one way or another they are going to be the movers and shakers. They are an extension of you, especially when it is something you have always wanted and that that part of your dream has come true.
I did not simply have children, both of mine were planned. There was a point when I didn't even think that I would be able to have children, so the blessing is ten fold. My son so much more like me very mellow, while his sister more like her father very driven. I love watching the dreams unfold of what they would like to be when they grow up. It has not differed very much in the last 10 years. Achieving this is the next task and I hope that for their sake life will shine a little brighter than it did on me. That they keep sight of what they want and don't let anybody tell them that they can't do it.
My dreams are now that my children's dreams come true. That all of their flights of fancy land within their reach and that they hold on tight no matter how rough the ride is, and never let go.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
The Curve Ball
There are times in life that things are just not going to go the way that we planned them, be it love, work or life in general. This does not mean that you should just give up on everyone else. There are still people out there that are worth getting up every day for.
It hasn't been easy, there have been times when I seriously just wanted everything to be over, but I'm so thankful that I stuck it out and have been rewarded with a wonderful family and friends. They are not all the friends that I have known since childhood, I have picked up many along my path and some I have lost on that same path. But still everything changes and you never know what life will bring you next.
When you are down, look up and notice that the sun is still shining and that you can see your path. Maybe not all the way down, but it is there. Sometimes there will be a fork and you will have to choose, other times that path will stay straight for miles. All the while be sure to stop and notice all the -good- around you. It is so easy to get caught up in the bad.
Don't let the curve ball take you off course. And don't let people that have nothing better to do, get you down. And trust me there will be a few, a bad boyfriend, or girlfriend or friend in general. Even family can lead you down the wrong path. Be weary and be smart. Know what you want out of life and go out and get it. No one can make you happy except for you. The choices you make dictate that. And always remember to laugh, even at yourself.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
I have never had a lot of friends. I have always believed in quality not quantity, so the friends that I do have I treasure. I have as I have gotten older found it much easier to make friends than when I was younger. I don't know if it is easier because I'm not as shy, or if it's that I just don't care what people think of me now. I'm not trying to impress anyone anymore. Take me as I am, or don't take me at all.
I think of life as the seasons. The Spring is our youth, the Summer our young adulthood, the Autumn our mature years and the Winter old age. I am heading into my Autumn, and enjoying every minute of it. It's at this time that I have found that I must make myself happy, no one else can do it for me, not even my family. It's not their job, all they need to do is Love me.
Our friendships have seasons as well. Some are there in the Spring, some in the Summer, some in Autumn, and some in the Winter. Some stay for them all, some only one season or maybe two. But it is all of them that have helped to shape the person that I am today. I cannot regret any of them, for even those that hurt, still taught me a lesson. So it is the saying "Hurt me once, shame on you, hurt me twice shame on me". That lesson is so hard to learn, especially when you trust people, always looking for the best in everyone. I have become more cautious, I still trust, but maybe not as openly as before, and of course I am constantly looking for the one that will disappoint.
Life will throw you curves, roll with it and enjoy your seasons.
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
It's cold outside and I wish I had a fire going tonight. Sitting in front watching the flames dance and reflect off the walls. Warming me from the outside to my inner core. I love just watching it, so mesmerizing, so calming, lulling you into a trance.
I've talked to the kids in the last few days, actually I'm trying to listen to them more. My how old I am, or maybe just how I feel because they are becoming so mature. They talk to me as if they were adults, oh my gosh, my son is. I remember holding both of them in my arms just yesterday, where has the time gone. My son was chasing his shadow in the culdesac as we watched him and laughed, now he is chasing dreams of what he wants to be as a man. I'm tearing up as I write this, knowing that soon (not too soon, I hope) he will leave the nest and my daughter will be right behind him.
She is so smart, smarter than me and so well adjusted. She knows exactly what she wants and she goes after it. She is strong and I am so glad for that. I have a feeling that she won't let anyone ever take advantage of her, I pray that this is true. She is so confident in a way that I never was and I am so proud of her, of both of them. They are my pride and joy and I am so thankful everyday that they are here to lift me up.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
My husband and I went on a motorcycle ride this weekend. It was so wonderful and I enjoyed it immensely. But when you're almost 50 a 110 mile ride can wear on that old body of yours. We stopped and had brunch, enjoyed our alone time together and talked about all the things on our agenda right now.
Very soon I will be turning 50, doesn't bother me anymore, I think that the 30 and 40 mark bothered me more than 50. Now I am comfortable in this skin, it is at this point, one of my favorites. Yes its a little heavier to carry around and of course there are wrinkles, but I have earned every one of them. From the tears to the laughter that has formed all those lines, they are the map of my life. And I wouldn't change even one of those paths, no matter how hard it was to go down.
At 50 and having a 16 and 18 year old can be trying at times, not in a way that hurts, but that I want them to do well so that their lives will be easier, it's a constant battle. Please don't tell me that you don't remember being those ages, especially 18, when your parents still think of you as their child and the world now see's an adult. I ache for him to make the right decisions, that only he can make. I can't make them for him, I can only guide. Love, life and all the laughter in between lie before him, and I hope that for my children's sake that there is more love and laughter than I had, making his life even more richer than mine.
Spring is almost here, and just like the seasons of our lives, now it is my sons time to bloom. I pray that I have watered and fed his mind and soul enough for him to make the difficult choices that life will throw at him and that by the time he is almost 50, he can look back and smile as I am now.
Friday, February 1, 2013
I'm trying really hard to look at myself and really find what I want out of life. I have for so many years subscribed to what everyone else wanted of me. I didn't get married too young, I was 26 and I didn't have children until 31. I think that I am a better parent for it, I am wiser, have sewn my wild oats so to speak, and because at one point didn't even think that I would be able to have children, I adore and respect the idea of it even being possible.
I have always tried to make everyone else happy at the expense sometimes, in the end, of my own. My mother was not always there, so I am always there for my children. Her marriages, two of them, both failed. She married young to my father whom she had to divorce because he was abusing us girls, and married another man who was an alcoholic. So in my own relationship I try to make my husband very happy. I love him and want to be with him for the rest of my life. But, what about me!
I used to think that life was perfect, but it isn't and most of the time it is what you make it. I'm learning that more and more these days and trying to remember that I must make myself happy, I can not rely on every one else to do that for me. I'm trying different things and writing really helps. Come along on my journey as I Bloom.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
It was my friends birthday yesterday, I missed it, so I went to her facebook page to wish her a belated birthday. I was looking at the pictures of her daughter and thinking that, wow she is a young lady now. Our kids were born just weeks apart and my son is a young man now as well. I don't think that I look at my son and think that I am getting that much older, but when I see my friends children and how much they have changed I get a little misty eyed and begin to think about the time and how fast it has gone by.
The one thing that I can say to the younger generation is that you really should cherish every moment, it already flies by and you never know when it might be your time to go. We are always in such a hurry for things to go by, or get here that we don't focus on those little things that really mean a lot. Remember to smile at each other, say hello, even pay someone a compliment, and always tell your family how much you love them and how much they mean to you.
Make your life be something that other people would look at and say "I wish I was like her", be real!